Sibling 4: The Hit Man

So… our family may—or may not—have connections to the mafia.  It’s complicated.

Sibling 4 wanted to get away from the problems of our immediate family, and the best way he could think of to do that was to run straight into the mafia’s arms.  Typical of our family; run from one problem into an even bigger one.

He feels less stress and more peace in his current occupation than he did living in our mother’s home.

So now he spends his working hours settling “contracts”, which includes a wide variety of not-so-appealing acts of violence.  Lest you believe him to be the real-life equivalent of Arnold Swartzenegger in The Terminator, you should also know he is one of the most peculiar, humorous, and likeable people you could ever meet.

This is a man who bought a sewing machine in order to create his own bath robes because he couldn’t find any that were the right length, fabric, and pattern (apparently the robes he thought were soft always had flowers on them).  He also consistently attempts to make better cupcakes than Sibling 1 (while using her recipes, of course!).  And to top it all off, he giggles like a little girl.  That’s right.  He’s a six-foot-tall, hulking bald man who can’t even touch his own shoulders, and he giggles the way little 4 year old girls do when they’re being tickled.

It’s beautiful.

But if you are still confused as to the precise personality of this hit man brother of ours, watch the movie The Pacifier.  Vin Diesel is an exact replica.  No joke.