did I tell you that Sibling #7 and his wife decided not to come after all?
something about me being mean.
I think it was just me being firm.
I guess you could get the two mixed up if you are used to getting your way.
eh.
on another note…we found Sibling #6b. Yes, we had lost him. Or he had lost himself. Still sorting that out.
When you are from a family as large as the Red Elephant family birthdays are…
eh.
You understand. We have a 6 week span of the year with 5 sibling birthdays.
When you have that many birthdays in a home that is on a strict budget birthdays are better to just ignore a bit. Not to say that our parents didn’t try to give birthday’s some importance…they did. But, there is only so much you can do when you are limited in time, energy, or budget. Some birthday cakes…okay, MANY!…were shared with a sibling. Birthday parties were often joint, or non-existent if you were the 5 birthday month.
Unless you are one of the lucky ones to have a birthday in a month on it’s own. Like me. Yes, I realize now that I am older that being the oldest AND being in a month all on my own was a bonus of epic proportions.
Sibling #8 shares a month with Sibling #6. go her.
And now that some of us are married there are anniversaries shared with birthdays shared with holidays shared with birthdays shared with holidays. You get the idea. Having a date to celebrate all your own is rare.
As of yet, I still get my birthday to myself. I’ll count that among st my private blessings.
And it is perhaps why we all do up birthdays will all the gusto we can summon!
So…it’s been awhile since I last posted.
I would like to say that it’s because I’ve been relaxing, enjoying life.
That would be lying.
In truth, the Red Elephant blog was intended to help me have a place to giggle and vent about the drama in our Red Elephant family. But, sometimes I’m just too exhausted to get around to blogging…or giggling. And I’ve ignored you all.
I apologize.
I’m going to try to bring you up to date as best I can. But, it’s going to prove impossible. Just not possible. I will be unable. Not done. Unattainable. A dream. A shot in the dark.
Eh…you get the idea.
Okay, we are going to do this in one big giant burst of words. Because that’s the way I’m thinking right now. Its a rambling thought. So, here goes…
the madre of the family wants to move. with our help. at christmas time. because she can’t stand the small town where her children have grown up. i think it’s because she’s bored. and everyone knows her crap. who knows. 2 of the females in the family are going overseas to a dangerous country where one already left because of unsafe circumstances. they are going back to the same place. and leaving without so much as a goodbye. partly because one of the females can’t get into the highschool she wants so she just isn’t going to go at all. yep, great reason. a sibling is going through dr’s stuff because he got hit too many times in the mafia. another sibling’s child was on his death bed for a week or so. another sibling has gone certifiably crazy. no really. and only i know where they are. they don’t want anyone else to know anything. yay me. my house was full of company for 3 weeks over christmas. all fine and good. but, i’m tired. end of the year taxes show we don’t have enough funds to pay our taxes, or our bills. and a sibling needs to be bailed out financially. yep, not going to happen. but they aren’t terribly understanding. and the madre wants help moving still. a house full of stuff. moved hours away. yay. noone got together for christmas or holidays or anything…because they can’t get along without me moderating. and golly gee i was too tired this year.
Okay, that’s a small portion. If you are lucky you might get more details…in a humorous form. Cause for sure some of it is funny! Always!
In the mean-time let me leave you with a little story…
Once upon a time there was a boy who killed his family in a home. Then burned them in a car.
Yep…this story is bad. Avert your eyes if you don’t have the stomach for it.
That home went on the market. And stayed there forever. Who wants a home that had a crime in it? And the car was still on the property…eeek!
Along came the Red Elephant dad…oooh, a cheap deal. Let me buy this home and NOT tell my family of 12 what happened on it. Let them find out from concerned neighbors and cops.
Let my daughter find out by the cops that sat at her restaurant booth where she waitressed…because they talked about the crime and wondered what had happened with the property. Let her go home and ask her mom about it. And find out her mom didn’t know either.
And let his kids play in the car where the crime was committed. Nope, let’s not even bother taking off a car where an ENTIRE FAMILY was burned… until months later. It doesn’t matter.
Sorry, this was more like a Stephen King novel…wasn’t it!
Well, there are happier stories on this blog. Promise!!
Try the one about the Pine Trees. That one’s cute!
Yes, it’s been almost a month since a post has been put up.
No, we haven’t forgotten about you.
Let’s just say life in the Red Elephant household has gotten even more complex.
You’ll get details soon…I think.
Yes, there’s only one.
So he’s easy to distinguish.
Who have I chosen to be his alter-ego?
Jason Statham.
I hope he doesn’t mind the comparison (my B-I-L, I meant; Jason Statham should feel privileged!)
What would make me choose the starring actor of The Transporter, a man who is all action and guns and bombs, etc.?
Well, I have two main reasons.
1) There are some physical similarities. (B-I-L; don’t get a big head, I said SOME 🙂 )
2) Jason Statham is always getting involved in things that weren’t originally his problem, but become his problems, and then he helps fix them and make everything better.
He’s a fixer.
There’s also the fact that Jason likes nice cars and knows how to use a weapon.
The biggest downfall of using Jason as the alter-ego is that Jason always seems a little mad.
And my brother-in-law does not.
So maybe we’ll go with a happy version of Jason Statham.
Yeah, that’s better 🙂
can we come visit you?
this is from Sibling 7.
of course…I said.
he called at 8am on a Sunday morning.
who does that?
and clearly…I wasn’t thinking straight.
And yes, they can come.
and I’m thinking of inviting mom.
not that she will come.
this is the worst of the siblings…in her mind.
but still. It could be fun. oh the drama!
update:
he now wants to bring his pet monkey.
with my dog in the house.
I said no, kindly. But no.
We’ll see how this goes down.
we can’t find sibling 6a or 6b.
otherwise known as the cheeseman.
although, he’s done with cheese now, I believe.
should we be worried?
probably.
but, it’s not unusual to just disappear.
and not tell anyone.
so…we wait.
and no…mom isn’t worried.
in case you were wondering.
she didn’t even realize.
I guess having 12 children to pretend to keep dibs on is hard.
I was recently on the phone with my hit-man brother. If you don’t know who that is, look it up here.
Anyway, he thinks his life is REALLY interesting. Which it is. But he also thinks that I REALLY want to hear all about it.
Which, I really don’t.
But he doesn’t really take the hint well, and so he called me up to spend over an hour telling me about his newest martial arts lessons with this really awesome guy who knows all sorts of things. And he goes on and on and on. And he isn’t even talking about awesome new punches or kicks that can inflict pain without leaving marks. Nope, nothing that cool. He just talks about this different way to clench your fist that somehow does… something…Blah, blah, blah.
I mean, over an hour!
Becuase that is the most important thing in my life, hearing all about how my brother is breaking the law with more and more ease.
I’m going to start screening his calls.
I don’t know how this started…
Okay, I’m actually pretty sure it’s Sibling 1’s husband who is the culprit…
But whenever our family gets together and must use elevators (which, thankfully, is infrequent) we fart.
Yep.
Right before the doors open, everyone is instructed to let one loose.
It’s loud.
And smelly.
And then we get off the elevator like nothing happened.
so, I just realized today that perhaps I should mention that my mom says she is moving.
she told me quite some time ago. and I didn’t think it was worth mentioning.
but, as I thought about it I realized that in most families it would be big news.
not ours
why?
well, there’s the problem of saying something and never following through.
she does that….alot.
then there’s the problem of wanting my help.
and it’s Christmas. I don’t have time. and there are multiple adult siblings living with her. let them (yes, I realize I sound mean)
And then there’s the problem of having super high expectations of things working out PERFECTLY.
And then there’s the problem of not having a job in the new town.
I think of those things.
I guess I’m the only one.
Anyways, I thought I would mention it.
Because, we are having full disclosure. (well, except for not having real names and details. no biggee)
I’m hoping it happens.
not holding my breath.
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