Author Archives: redelephantblogger

Flashback: Malt-o-meal

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I’m a grown woman. With children of my own.
Isn’t it funny how our childhood messes with the way we raise our own children. Even in little ways.
Case in point…

I don’t like oatmeal, or malt-o-meal. It’s a throwback to childhood. And, as an adult hasn’t ever been something I think about.
But, my son made himself a bowl of coco-wheats.
You know the kind.
Like chocolate malt-o-meal. It really is delicious. I just don’t make it.

At the store he says…
“Mom, why don’t you make Coco-Wheats? You know we like them.”
I have to tell him that it’s because of lame reasons and he can get a box and make them…himself.

Fast forward to the next morning…
He follows the directions on the box and makes himself a bowl of Coco-Wheats. But ignores the part about stirring. Doesn’t stir, just dumps everything in and leaves.

“Ewwww….it’s lumpy, and gross.” Piles of uncooked wheats lump together in the bowl. It’s not nice. At all.

THERE IT IS…
the memory.

My 10 year old son gets to experience in a small way my mornings as a child where we had some version of the dump and don’t stir malt-o-meal.
And now I know exactly what it was my mom did wrong.
She didn’t stir. At all. Ever. Never. Not. One. Single. Day.

Oh the horrors. And the joy of my child getting a similar experience.

 

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did I tell you that Sibling #7 and his wife decided not to come after all?

something about me being mean.
I think it was just me being firm.

I guess you could get the two mixed up if you are used to getting your way.
eh.

on another note…we found Sibling #6b. Yes, we had lost him. Or he had lost himself. Still sorting that out.

birthday’s

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When you are from a family as large as the Red Elephant family birthdays are…

eh.

You understand. We have a 6 week span of the year with 5 sibling birthdays.

When you have that many birthdays in a home that is on a strict budget birthdays are better to just ignore a bit. Not to say that our parents didn’t try to give birthday’s some importance…they did. But, there is only so much  you can do when  you are limited in time, energy, or budget. Some birthday cakes…okay, MANY!…were shared with a sibling. Birthday parties were often joint, or non-existent if you were the 5 birthday month.

Unless you are one of the lucky ones to have a birthday in a month on it’s own. Like me. Yes, I realize now that I am older that being the oldest AND being in a month all on my own was a bonus of epic proportions.

Sibling #8 shares a month with Sibling #6. go her.

And now that some of us are married there are anniversaries shared with birthdays shared with holidays shared with birthdays shared with holidays. You get the idea. Having a date to celebrate all your own is rare.

As of yet, I still get my birthday to myself. I’ll count that among st my private blessings.

And it is perhaps why we all do up birthdays will all the gusto we can summon!

a Stephen King novel

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So…it’s been awhile since I last posted.
I would like to say that it’s because I’ve been relaxing, enjoying life.

That would be lying.

In truth, the Red Elephant blog was intended to help me have a place to giggle and vent about the drama in our Red Elephant family. But, sometimes I’m just too exhausted to get around to blogging…or giggling. And I’ve ignored you all.

I apologize.

I’m going to try to bring you up to date as best I can. But, it’s going to prove impossible. Just not possible. I will be unable. Not done. Unattainable. A dream. A shot  in the dark.

Eh…you get the idea.

Okay, we are going to do this in one big giant burst of words. Because that’s the way I’m thinking right now. Its a rambling thought. So,  here goes…

the madre of the family wants to move. with our help. at christmas time. because she can’t stand the small town where her children have grown up. i think it’s because she’s bored. and everyone knows her crap. who knows. 2 of the females in the family are going overseas to a dangerous country where one already left because of unsafe circumstances. they are going back to the same place. and leaving without so much as a goodbye. partly because one of the females can’t get into the highschool she wants so she just isn’t going to go at all. yep, great reason. a sibling is going through dr’s stuff because he got hit too many times in the mafia. another sibling’s child was on his death bed for a week or so. another sibling has gone certifiably crazy. no really. and only i know where they are. they don’t want anyone else to know anything. yay me. my house was full of company for 3 weeks over christmas. all fine and good. but, i’m tired. end of the year taxes show we don’t have enough funds to pay our taxes, or our bills. and a sibling needs to be bailed out financially. yep, not going to happen. but they aren’t terribly understanding. and the madre wants help moving still. a house full of stuff. moved hours away. yay. noone got together for christmas or holidays or anything…because they can’t get along without me moderating. and golly gee i was too tired this year.

Okay, that’s a small portion. If you are lucky you might get more details…in a humorous form. Cause for sure some of it is funny! Always!

In the mean-time let me leave you with a little story…

Once upon a time there was a boy who killed his family in a home. Then burned them in a car.

Yep…this story is bad. Avert your eyes if you don’t have the stomach for it.

That home went on the market. And stayed there forever. Who wants a home that had a crime in it? And the car was still on the property…eeek!

Along came the Red Elephant dad…oooh, a cheap deal. Let me buy this home and NOT tell my family of 12 what happened on it. Let them find out from concerned neighbors and cops.

Let my daughter find out by the cops that sat at her restaurant booth where she waitressed…because they talked about the crime and wondered what had happened with the property. Let her go home and ask her mom about it. And find out her mom didn’t know either.

And let his kids play in the car where the crime was committed. Nope, let’s not even bother taking off a car where an ENTIRE FAMILY was burned… until months later. It doesn’t matter.

 

Sorry, this was more like a Stephen King novel…wasn’t it!
Well, there are happier stories on this blog. Promise!!
Try the one about the Pine Trees. That one’s cute!

 

It’s been a while…

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Yes, it’s been almost a month since a post has been put up. 

No, we haven’t forgotten about you.

Let’s just say life in the Red Elephant household has gotten even more complex.

You’ll get details soon…I think.

 

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sibling1

At some point I will be able to write about the last few weeks.
Right now, my brain is spinning. Although, I recognize my family brings drama and crazy in mass amounts I am still shocked again and again at the new records that are set in the drama department.

For now, let me tell you a story…

One upon a time there were many small children living in a small home.
These small children weren’t allowed to watch television.
But…they heard of the legend of Letterman.
They heard that when the children were put away for the night…the adults were able to turn on the beloved t.v. and watch this legend.

So, they devised a plan and put it in practice for much of the remainder of their childhood in that home…

1. the children went to bed nicely. no whining, no complaining, no stalling.

2. when their parents came to check on them…they pretended to be asleep. they learned the art of drooling, deep breathing, and dead limbs. one of the siblings became a master at hanging their arm over the top bunk as if it were dead weight. worked every time. he was a hero.

3. when their parents settled into the couch and turned on the t.v., it was time…

4. the siblings quietly crept down stairs, around the corner and behind the couch.

5. they sat on the dining room chairs (which were behind the couch) and the 10, 8, 6, and 5 year olds became Letterman fans.

Were they ever found out? Sometimes they were heard creeping down the stairs. But, one sibling always acted as if it was just them…a lone rogue child. Better to sacrifice a single sometimes then the whole forever. But, getting to the dining room meant you were home free. If the parents acted like they were getting up…we just quietly went through the kitchen and back up the stairs.

So, if you were to peek into our home on a weeknight at say…11pm… you might see a living room with a couple adults on the couch oblivious to the 4 children silently watching behind them. Maybe you could sneak them some popcorn? That would be lovely, thank you.

 

The Firstborn

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Christmas is fast approaching, and in preparation of the festivities, you must be introduced to Sibling 1’s firstborn. 

Her alter-ego is Emma Watson. 

Emma Watson

An old soul. 

A beautiful individual. 

A talented actress. 

English. 

Adorable.

Probably had a few good friends, but wasn’t the most popular person in school (I would guess it’s because all the girls were jealous).

The type of girl who might play sports in high school, might not; you aren’t sure.  Which is strange because it’s usually so obvious!  But then again, she is kind of special.

So…

Just think of Emma Watson sitting in your living room, chatting away in her cute little accent, drinking a cup of tea.  Then add a little humor.

Say hello to the Firstborn!

The Brother-In Law

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sibling8Yes, there’s only one.

So he’s easy to distinguish.

Who have I chosen to be his alter-ego?

Jason Statham.

I hope he doesn’t mind the comparison (my B-I-L, I meant; Jason Statham should feel privileged!)

What would make me choose the starring actor of The Transporter, a man who is all action and guns and bombs, etc.?

Well, I have two main reasons.

1) There are some physical similarities. (B-I-L; don’t get a big head, I said SOME 🙂 )

2) Jason Statham is always getting involved in things that weren’t originally his problem, but become his problems, and then he helps fix them and make everything better.

He’s a fixer.

There’s also the fact that Jason likes nice cars and knows how to use a weapon.

The biggest downfall of using Jason as the alter-ego is that Jason always seems a little mad.

And my brother-in-law does not.

So maybe we’ll go with a happy version of Jason Statham.

Yeah, that’s better 🙂

bring on the drama!

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sibling1

can we come visit you?

this is from Sibling 7.

of course…I said.

he called at 8am on a Sunday morning.

who does that?

and clearly…I wasn’t thinking straight.

And yes, they can come.
and I’m thinking of inviting mom.
not that she will come.
this is the worst of the siblings…in her  mind.
but still. It could be fun. oh the drama!

update:

he now wants to bring his pet monkey.
with my dog in the house.
I said no, kindly. But no.
We’ll see how this goes down.

don’t worry. it’s probably okay.

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we can’t find sibling 6a or 6b. 
otherwise known as the cheeseman.
although, he’s done with cheese now, I believe.

should we be worried?
probably.

but, it’s not unusual to just disappear.
and not tell anyone.

so…we wait.

and no…mom isn’t worried.
in case you were wondering.

she didn’t even realize.

I guess having 12 children to pretend to keep dibs on is hard.